Packcrastinator

It's not a word but I'm using it. I have waited till my final 9ish hours to pack. The bright side is that I really shouldn't be taking a whole bunch of stuff so this might help my over-packing tendencies.

UM, I'M GOING TO SOUTH AFRICA

I simply cannot believe it.  If you would have asked me any day before 2015 if I was going to travel outside of the country soon-it would have been a strong, "definitely not."  I am beyond thankful, grateful, humbled, and moved by the support I've received in the journey to take this trip.  

Seriously, is this my life?!

I'm also floored that the only layover we have on the way there is in Paris, France.  Which happens to be the last place I went overseas 9 years ago. I couldn't have hoped enough to go back. It's going to be a really sweet moment for me to see its beauty and eat its yummy bread again. :) Le Rex Cafe, I'm on my way!  

I know that not everyone has this opportunity. I shouldn't be so blessed but I know that this trip is meant for great things far beyond myself.  I hope I can somewhat capture in these updates the amazing moments I know the team will experience and share them with you all.  Please consider praying for us daily even if only for a minute.  We cannot do this alone. We will need health, strength, compassion, patience, protection, boldness, and many other things that will have to come from Christ.  May we be an honest display of his love and grace-which is what captured our hearts in the first place. 

Fine Lines

There are so many fine lines in life that separate such wide differences. There are so many little moments throughout the muck that make life worth living. There are those people that give hope and restore it to you when some have brought you to the point of feeling it'd been stripped away...

Don't create ties with people out of shoelaces. Something so easily untied, so underdeveloped always needing backbraces. It takes a spine to intertwine your heartstrings. Sure it hurts if they break. It should. It's a risk forging bridges made from the fibers of your being. Crossing them for the greater good. Believing without seeing. Just as it pained you sometimes to build and allow yourself to be built, it stings when sometimes we find our treasures rusted. We cannot however give in to sorrow. Allowing ourselves, our growth to wilt. Life, without the people who matter, no matter how green will always feel like dust. When the wind blows it in your eyes it's those hands you reach for, the ones you dared to trust.   

How much more the tie You have with us. Still we wrestle with the notion of being untamable, "breaking free." Then, inevitably we ache for the broken bond. Trying to figure out who we are and what we're made of. Trying to make sense of it when those two conflict. Whether the flaws are bore into me or chained, it matters not. We can't forget He's there to mend the ends that had no means. To repair the fabric torn at the seams. To breathe life into the tired and restore the prematurely buried dreams.

Live boldly and compassionately. Love tenderly but fearlessly.

It's not safe. It's not easy. It will hurt. It is worth it. He is worth it. 

#Ponderings of Women

Women, Ladies, Girls, Sisters.

This may seem like a feminist rant-which I can assure you is most definitely not. :) It’s just thoughts and ponderings directed towards the female part of our species. :)

I’ve seen so many wonderful women crumble the foundation under them just to stand eye to eye with someone beneath them. Fighting for bonds with those who would toss them aside. Settling for nothing more than a cheap codependence. Why? There are many answers, stories, and roads that lead to it. Sadly some never hope or believe that something greater is worth fighting for.

Ladies, what will we teach our future daughters or those that come after us? How to sell their worth for pennies on the dollar? That in this life you have 2 choices: be a proud diva or a whore? It’s not merely a case of modesty or immorality. No, it’s a matter of value and respect. It’s matter of cheapening His creation.

Never concede to being someone’s private pleasure when you deserve to be someone’s prized treasure. In saying that we have our own accountability. To not be satisfied with being put on a shelf. To be willing to refine and take a deeper look at ourselves.

Sometimes we are mistaken into thinking that if we hang onto coal long enough it will magically turn into diamonds. Not every piece becomes the gem sought after.

We can make a choice to refuse to settle for a carbon copy or a counterfeit. We can believe it’s not in vain. We can learn to not expect the impossible but require that which should also be required of us. It is not enough to consume yourself with looking for the perfect person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. More so, become the type of person that is already truly living when they come along. Become the person that will be a complement not a completion.

I am in no way saying this from a high horse. We all have lessons we have learned and yet to learn.

#ponderings

Treat each other well. Be kind. Require decency. It’s not too much to ask.

Civil War

My last blog was June. Man, I really had planned on doing a better job at being a blogger. Well, I guess that just leaves enough room for more improvement in 2011.

I think myself is the biggest reason why I committed blog fail. I said it would be bare mentality but then casually refused to express the barest moments/thoughts. I think that's what I envy about some people...that they're not afraid for someone to see a certain side of them-whether it's a good or less than flattering one. That they push beyond the odds that someone might misconstrue your thoughts and actions. That you may be perceived incorrectly for that one glimpse of yourself. Rather they trade in that uncertainty for the possibility that people may either be driven to see all the other sides or

even, just maybe, understand.

Civil War

: a war between opposing groups of citizens of the same country: a war between factions or regions of the same country
: a state of hostility or conflict between elements within an organization

All war is heartbreaking. Lives are lost in the seemingly inevitable battle for the greater good and lesser evil. Civil war, seems to me to be the hardest to prepare for and the toughest to right in the end. I've never taken up arms against another country or group for our country. But I have waged war,

...with myself.

When we look at our adversary or opponent head on, we can see their face, their stance, and if we're attentive and skilled enough, their intent or plan of attack.

Unfortunately simply looking in an actual mirror doesn't really cut it.

Civil Wars aren't fought using telescopes. The conflict is within, against that which was once aligned. Both sides know the lay of the land and it's who gains the foothold of the natural resources. Now, as twisted as it seems, each side is feeding off the fear that other will win and thus be left quenched.

There seems to not be enough room for both factions to flourish, both voices to be heard and both motives to intend. The fight then moves to whether there should be peace or prosecution: captives or casualties.

Does that part of me need to be put to death or  or made captive?

Fighting civil wars can seem to isolate us. It is a contention between the fibers of our beings. It is a struggle that must be resolved on the homefront. As comforting as reinforcements sound, you are in the middle of it all, you are on the frontlines, and if you are to be truly victorious, you must be able to make the call in the midst of the battle-or else, then what happens when they leave?

Sometimes I can see redcoats and blue coats eyeing each other. Tension building and weapons being disbursed. I can smell bridges burning. I begin to gather bandages. Sometimes I wonder, if land could feel, if this is what America felt like beneath their feet.

Moving forward. Passing complacency and refusing discontentment. Denying giving up and loosening the grip that's holding on.

I will never be that perfect beautiful trophy woman who has it all together, but I also won't

I've won a lot of battles this year. A few of those prizes were counterfeits. There were times when I lost track of time and yet there were those when I counted every second. It's time to stop wearing fronts like sweaters. The heat from the battle is rising and the wise thing to do is wear the armor that suits the war.

Thank Yous

I was watching a talk show and they always end with a "feel good moment of the day" video. Today's was a little boy receiving a sweet bike from his parents.







I couldn't help but think as I watched it, how many times I ran to the gift before the giver. I imagine my parents were pleased to know how excited I was to receive presents from them, but I wish I could go back in time and thank them 1st before I grabbed at the toy, money, gift-whatever.
I also thought about how I can be like that spiritually. I hope and pray for something so fervently, and then when the time is right, I am so overwhelmed with happiness and excitement that I run to the gift and clutch it. What about the one who was so gracious to give? What about my provider, the true Giver of all that I have or could ever need? I really do hope that in the future I don't reflect on my life and realize that I only looked at my blessings with hollow ardency. May we all remember to run to the giver before the gift. May we all run to source before the supply.

Today was a day just like any other...

Today, was a day just like any other....almost. *Love J's M btw-check em out if you haven't*

I woke up to the soft *click vmmm vmmm* that my phone makes when I get a Twitter. I mean it has to get it's own text tone because I get a little disappointed when I reach for my phone to read a text and it's just an update. Though people's are usually either funny or informative, it can never beat a sincere one on one text.

Anyway, then almost instantly after, I got another (non-twitter) text. I was needed to help a friend with a video shoot. They were in need of a girl to play Juliet in a 80's remake of Romeo and Juliet. I'll save you the details which would only amuse me. Although, can I say that black boots and tights with a bright sweater and tank are not my thing, it was kinda fun to dress up and look silly. I still feel like my face needs more washing after all that makeup though.

It was fun to say the least. As insignificant as it sounds to help out a friend for a video shoot, I enjoyed every minute of being a character and filming. It was a small moment out of my day, but I needed it. He knew I needed it.

I got to see some friends, laugh some, and ponder. :) I do a lot of that lately. Also, high five to me, I've been doing better at battling the BMI. I've maintained eating better and I'm doing better at consistently working out. Man, yoga can whip your butt more than you'd think. It's tough stuff. You'd think it's just for hippies but I find it can sometimes be harder than making myself take on the treadmill.

This was boring, that's okay though. I'm sure there are more exciting stories on their way...

Adventures in the Unconscious

Last night there was an attempt on my life by a certain......Mr. Ashton Kutcher. I was living a life on the run. I was at some type of a convention center when I felt uneasy. I heard someone tell me to "Go, run." I took off to somewhere I've never been before, but Dream Mel didn't skip a beat. I ran out of that building into some woods. Jumping over fallen trunks and landing in deep soft craters only to climb up out of them at an unhuman speed. I looked over my shoulder and I could see him pointing a gun at my back but he missed due to his clumsiness as he tried to follow me over the tree roots. (Guess Dream Ashton needed to work out more with Demi) Anyway, I came out of the woods and there once again was a building-only it was my house back in Alaska. I ran inside and locked all the doors. Silence I turned around and there was my father and mother. It was so good to see them. Dream Mel hadn't been home for years I guess. I told them to stay below the window line and not to say a word. Mr. Kutcher was no where to be seen. I quickly went to the bedroom and grabbed all the guns hidden on the top shelf of my parent's closet. (My parents have 1 in real life to my knowledge) I have no idea how to load or shoot a gun but Dream Mel had 6 at her disposal in a matter of minutes. I hurried back to the living room where my parents were on the floor. Just as I got back I heard this loud engine rumble outside. A huge orange and red bus with Indian writing on the outside drove past our driveway driven by.....Ashton. He almost passed us up except he noticed the sign outside that read plainly, "The Vasilies" (nice move mom and dad) The bus came to a halt and out poured all of these people onto the lawn. They assembled with no guns or other obvious weapons. Mr. Kutcher stepped out of the bus, gun in hand. I knew that he had to have more hiding cause I knew I did. He held up the gun and pointed it directly at me in the window through the crowd. I figured it'd be safer for my parents if I went outside. Also, Dream Mel wasn't scared in the least-only adrenaline infused. I walked out and with him still focusing his aim, I decided I'd get to him after the crowd of people that separated me from this imaginary adversary. A few ran at me and I proceeded to walk slowly toward my foe weapons engaged.......I woke up to the garbage truck loudly emptying the dumpster. Man, Dream Mel went BD.