Start from Scratch-That's All I have

I probably should pick one topic to reflect on, but oh well.

A few thoughts I've been mulling over the last few days:

• Mad Hope
  
• My "legacy"
• Melody and harmony
• 2010 sing along
  

Mad Hope
Almost every day I wake up, I ask myself, "Are you crazy? You must be mad to be where you are." I may sound like a schizo but, I reply, "No, I'm hopeful. Sometimes it feels like I might be losing my mind, but I woke up, so that means I'm not done with this yet."

"We'll wait below to hear your words
those that come softly after the rain.
It's those I can trust, because you've made me wait
and listen once again."

I wrote that today when it was just starting to pour. I couldn't help but realize that it had been raining a while before I actually noticed enough to look outside. As I turned off the TV and shut my laptop, I listened to the rhythm of the raindrops. They grew louder and louder-not because it was raining harder than before, but because I set aside my distractions and LISTENED. I hung on every drip drop like the sky was giving a most intriguing lecture. I couldn't help but think, how much God's voice is like that rain to me. I had to listen softly and intently for me to recognize the sound of the raindrops. It may not be my fear anymore that He'll show the way, but more so that I'll step over it in pursuit of that very same path. So as I closed my eyes and took in the beat of the weather, I slowly heard the time between drops dwindle. Drip...drop....drip...........drop.....................drip.................................drop.....done. Then all was silent. It was then that I actually began to hear.

2. My "Legacy"

So, the last couple Sundays at church have been focused on the idea of how we will evaluate our life when we find ourselves out of tomorrows. Even more importantly, what will live on when we have no more breath. What will continue to grow and flourish once our bodies begin to decay? I've been trying to think of what I hope my legacy would look like. I've tried to list out what I pray people would say at my funeral. My day is coming at a pace that I could never know-near or far. Do I care that there will probably be many days after my last? What will I have to show for the breath and flesh that the Lord gave me?

-I hope to be remembered as someone who didn't base her character off of circumstance. Some of these things I want to leave behind are kinda silly and some are kinda serious. I'll start with the not so serious sounding ones.


-I wanna teach my son that it's not cool to pull girls' hair clips out*
-my daughter how to wisk like a pro when cooking*
-my kids how to say ma'am and miss at the appropriate time (young women are miss :) ) *
-it's important to say what you mean when you mean it
-you never have to be afraid to dance
-take pictures (not because memories need it but we can't plug in our minds to monitors...yet)
-there are ways to not put on makeup
-share
-stand up for yourself
-Love despite
-there's fun in having an eye for adventure
-you find a lot when you look outside the box
-there are pros to being short and etiquette for being tall
-be helpful
-sometimes you have to be protective
-there is a value that texture has (always go for the softest)
-there is no joy like making someone laugh
-tattoos are addicting
-shoes are wonderful (even when you change sizes of clothing, your shoes still stick by you)
-don't stop the music
-quiet alone time is good (it'll be harder to find as you get older)
-don't pay for art if you can make it yourself
-creating a secret code language isn't necessarily nerdy

*These are in the event that I do have children someday.

More serious sounding ones:

"When I think about what Mel taught me, I think about..."

Compassion, decency, respect for others.

How to hope for the unseen and the faith to move forward when that hope is dwindling.

That forgiveness is possible, it is not out of my hands.

Life is a constant investment. In me, in others.
Passion when directed in the right place can fuel the tired and strengthen in the fight for our future.
Dedication, means shooting for 100% till I'm dead.
Loyalty, friendship, and commitment is more important when showing love than any hollow promise or monetary display.
Dealing with pain is part of living. It's the decision to continue living that is key.
Our words can fade and fall off the pages, but His Word refuses to pass away.
Don't be afraid to try new things-you never know yourself as well as you think.
People are valuable and shouldn't be seen as a profit or a means to an end.

Now I know that I'm no where close to being in a place where people can say all these things about me, or that I'm pouring these principles into others as much as I'd like to-I'm working on it, I'm growing. I don't want people to think of these things when I'm gone because I want the praise. I mean, I'll be dead, what am I gonna do with people's kind words? Haha, I'll have no use for a banner or giant cake when I'm gone. "It doesn't matter if I was a 'pastor' but more so if I was a servant." None of us are here for our own affirmation-that's a human thirst that cannot be quenched if we aim to. It's for His honor and glory.

3. Melody and Harmony

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be able to sing. Of course everyone can "sing," but I'm talking about reeeeaaalllly singing. The kind where it inspired others to create, dance, or just live. I can match someone's pitch and find the note that complements it but that's it. If you'd asked me when I was younger if I'd rather have a superpower or the ability to sing a melody like an angel-I'd pass up that super strength or speed for flawless vocal performance. As I've grown up, the secret wish to sound like Adele, Brooke Fraser, or Bethany Dillon hasn't left but I've learned my place in the music. I wanted to be the person who was the melody. I wanted to jam to my own song-be the lead in everything. Newsflash: I'm never gonna be the melody. I was born to be the harmony. I can add to, I can complement. Just a light bulb turning on for me. I'm finding the beauty in the sweet sound of melody and harmony coming together to make something bigger than myself.


4. 2010 Sing-A-Long

I like to think I like decent music. Some songs and lyrics that really stick with me recently:

"Now I'm alive and my ghosts are gone. I've shed all the pain I've been holding on. What don't kill a heart only makes it strong."-The End Where I begin by The Script

"This time, I'll be sailing. No more bailing boats for me. I'll be out there on the sea. Just my confidence and me. And I'll be awful sometimes. Weakened to my knees. But I'll learn to get by on little victories."-Little Victories by Matt Nathanson

"This is my renaissance. This is my one response. This is the way I say I love you. This is my second chance. This is my one romance. This is the cutting line. On which I stand to show you...Through the ash, siren screams and red beams I hear you sing softly to me: I can be the wall when you fall down. Find me on the rocks when you break down. I heard it in the song when you call out, but I got to say now it's got to change. This is my broken heart. This is my bleeding start. This is the way I've come to know you. This is my winding road. This is my way back home. This is the narrow door you know that I will walk through." Renaissance by Mat Kearney

"Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet. Toward home, a land that I've never seen. I am changing, less and less asleep. Made of different stuff than when I began and I have sensed it all along. Fast approaching is the day."-Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser

"I will not take my love away. When praises cease and seasons change. While the whole world turns the other way. I will not take my love away. I will not leave you all alone. When striving leads you far from home and there's no yield for what you've sown. I will not leave you all alone
I will give you what you need-In plenty or in poverty. Forever, always, look to me and I will give you what you need." I Will Not Take My Love Away by Matt Wertz

So this blog has basically been a ramble. If you made it to the end, kudos. :) I'll try and keep it short next time...maybe.

A Little Wisdom for 2010 from Euphegenia Doubtfire

So today I woke up around 6am-washed a load of laundry, tidied up my room, took out trash, visited briefly with my sweet apartment-mate. Then I made some yummy breakfast, had a cup of coffee and just listened to Jesus for a bit after I read.

*FAST FORWARD* (not flashforward-I wish!)

At work I realized that when I get bored or have nothing productive to do for the moment, I snap. Not like cool jazz snapping, or hip rhythmic beat snapping...more like on the way to a musical brawl snapping. I can't seem to curb it-for now at least. I'm sure it'll either pass or die down. All last summer I couldn't get Smoke On The Water out of my head. SERIOUSLY, for like 4-5 months.

*FAST FORWARD*

Break time. What is on the tv in the hub (name for the breakroom @BB) you say???? Only one of my fav movies ever.....MRS. DOUBTFIRE. As I sat and watched it, I realized this character has some little tips for us this year. Here they are:

1. Don't compromise your morals, despite the voices around you.


2. Don't try to be someone you're not-people don't want a faker.


3. If you play with fire, you're gonna get burned...and it'll smell like rubber.


4. "Honesty is the best policy" should sometimes leave room for "Use discretion."


5. Get fit. Take care of yourself, but don't let it get you down.


6. Shut the bathroom door...and lock it.


7. Don't let your work consume you.


8. Carpe Dentum.


9. Revenge can be deadly. Leave it for the Big Man.


10. Be careful in the pursuit of your dreams, you never know when it's their time to come true.


*Bonus: Final thought*
Family is a broad definition.




Dude looks like a lady, but she's...uh, he's...got some good points...and mad rapping skills.

-Mel

Arrival

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce: '10 Mel.

• A disclaimer. I thought to name my blog Bare Mentality because I plan to write in such a manner as to not necessarily worry about who is reading it or what they will think of my thoughts. So, if you don't want to know what goes on in my middle earth of a mind or can't stand to see commas overused-this might not be a book you'll want to crack open. However, another disclaimer, I do enjoy reading people's comments and getting feedback. In saying that, please don't feel compelled to affirm, unless you want to :) . This blog should be without fillers, falsehoods, and fake coverings. In case you need a recap: it should be bare.

As my 1st blog on this site, I wanted to reflect on my past little Bloggits (those residing on MS &FB). Here are some highlights as to who I've been, become, and probably an insight as to where I'm headed.

"I'm 20. I can no longer blame my age for my incessant goofiness."

"I hear music all the time"

"Like threads intertwined by the thousands, not one could be removed without unraveling..."

"I love you always, forever, and through anything."

"Your wings will only weigh you down, until you take them to the sky"

"I love being aware of a beautiful moment, when you are in it"

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. " ~Edward Everett Hale

"To you, the people who make me who I am and more than I was...you've made me grow, laugh like no other, and have given me hope for my dreams. I feel sorry for the people who will never know my BFFs. There are actually some people who will never get a chance to talk, laugh, and hang out with the greatest people ever to be known."

"The finer things club doesn't have to be just for books and mini-sandwiches...."

"-If you appreciate someone, please tell them
-Decide now what your life will stand for
-Decide now what you want your life to leave behind
-Choose to create...you're His creation, don't break people down
-Honor what God has given you: time, talents and PEOPLE are precious
-Not when, but HOW will you minister
-Love all His people "with a heart wide open" especially the weary, the ones in need of hope....it's dangerous, long and unpredictable...so put on your running shoes"

"...even after the days I said, "It's too late, it's too far, it's too great"

"I will not marry a crab fisherman"

"I believe ULTIMATE is better than any other sport or physical activity....other than dancing of course"

"I want to help you make the mess"

"I realized my ambition was a lazy way out of being adventuresome..."

"...we are called the Alpha Females"

"My art is coming back"

"Not every day is easy, but every day is a new day, and EVERY day He deserves our praise."

"I would rather eat brussell sprouts and a lot of other gross foods before I'd eat cucumbers."

"When I was younger I would mute the Academy Award winners' speeches on tv and insert my own, then un-pause for the applause"

"I have a secret written language. I am fluent"

"I'm less transparent than I thought"

"The south has made me a 'hugger'"

"...and in the those times when Your guiding voice is soft,
Together again from the wreckage we’ll walk."

"ONE thing that he could possess today. His strengthened faith and belief in our Blessed and Holy God. That was the only fiber of his being that could not be stripped away"

"if this were lost and all I had was you - I would be rich and have the greatest good"~*not me:)

So, these were just little glimpses into the past two volumes of my life. Here's to Volume III.

~Mel